antivanruffles

Right, so this was inspired by some shenanigans in San Diego (mainly a running joke about the Poon Room because of reasons that will be explained later when I FINALLY get the recap post up).

This is RPG!Verse Jamie, but it has no purpose other than to be crack, nor does it really fit within the timeline (though it you wanted to say this happens sometime in November/December of the current plot line, I'm okay with that).

Uh.. enjoy? *tips hat*

Jamie wouldn’t call himself a computer nerd. He had one, of course, and he used it mostly for digital art and research (and pirating TV) but that didn’t mean he wasn’t immune to its time wasting capabilities. Scrolling through the endless stream of information, he found it all utterly fascinating, the quick succession of article blurbs keeping his usually limited attention span.

As he scrolling he stopped when something caught his eye. Of course he’d heard about it -- it had been hard not to, unless one lived under a rock, and he knew several males who fit into that category. Kristoff namely. But yes, he’d heard of ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’, but that didn’t mean he knew ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’.

Curiosity peaked, Jamie set about learning what he could about this widespread phenomenon. Besides, it was supposed to be porny, right? Couldn’t be all bad…..

“Oh, fucking Christ on a trailer hitch, you must be kidding me?” Jamie mumbled, face twisted in a grimace of disbelief. “This shit can’t be real.” Shaking his head, Jamie shut the laptop and slid it away from his person, terrified at the knowledge he had learned.

“I could write better porn than that. Shit, Mamoru could write better porn. Maybe I should write fanfic of it and troll them…. Hmm…..” Jamie rubbed two fingers against his chin as he pondered it over. “Nah, not worth it. They’re already trolling themselves.”

Glancing toward the clock he decided it was time best to get some sleep before classes in the morning. He moved toward his bed, picking his way around lone shoes, dirty clothes, and other random things littering the floor. He yanked off his shirt and jeans, and flopped onto the mattress.

Closing his eyes, Jamie hoped for sleep quickly, unfortunately his whirling mind wouldn’t let Fifty Shades of Grey drop…. or porn, or terrible fanfic. And when sleep finally came, Jamie’s dreams were a wealth of strange things.

//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\

The room was an opulent splash of colors. Draperies in vivid shades of vermillion, cinnamon and scarlet. Rich bronze accents, and multicolored throw pillows in riots of blues, greens, yellows, oranges, and pinks. The rugs covering the dark mahogany floors were luxurious and finely made, your toes sinking deeply into the plush fabric. Everything about the room spoke of elegance and extravagance.

Jamie felt rather lost, what was this? What was he doing here? The warm golden light bathing the room made it difficult to make out certain things, and the haze of heady incense made his head feel heavy, clouded.

He thought he was alone until he glanced to one side and found a person standing next to him. But not just any person…. Mackenzie.

At least he thought it was Mackenzie; bedecked in a forest green thing Jamie could only call a ‘harem girl’, he couldn’t help but stare a little bit. The pants were sheer and frothy, the silver band of the waist sitting low on full flips. Mackenzie’s stomach was bared and the top she wore was a snug fit, her ample chest nearly spilling over the top. A gauzy veil covered part of her face, but he could see full, pink lips quirking into a smile.

She didn’t speak, only smiled a bit wider and pointed toward an extremely comfortable looking chaise toward the back of the room. Jamie opened his mouth to speak, but a well manicured finger stopped his lips.

Blue eyes swiveled from Mackenzie to the new person, and Jamie found himself looking into bright, sky blue eyes lined with kohl. Mina’s eyes creased at the corners as she grinned, her hair tumbling in waves down her back. Jamie noted she was dress nearly identically to Mackenzie, only hers was a soft, billowy golden color.

Mina shook her head and pointed toward where Mackenzie had, Jamie turned and this time found Amy and Zoe at either side of the chaise, framing it with their hands like a weird parody of Vanna White. They too had the same harem outfits, Amy’s a powder blue, and Zoe’s with a soft green, the belt and accents all red. There were slits up the sides of her billowy pants, revealing long legs, and Amy’s top was backless, showing perfectly sculpted shoulders.

Unsure what else to do, Jamie let himself be guided toward the chaise. He stretched out the girls’ urging, and then was presented with a box of decadent looking chocolates. He took one and bit into it, the inside was rich and smooth with a trace of cool mint. The girls flocked around him, seemingly ready to make his every wish come true.

Then from somewhere in the depths of this strange room came the slow tattoo of a drum beat, and the haunting wail of a sitar. Jamie popped the rest of the truffle into his mouth and looked around.

The room had opened up without his realizing it, and now there was a definite center. Columns circled around the smooth floor and from behind one of them appeared a graceful foot covered in a glittering coin anklet, then slowly the rest of the smooth leg appeared and Jamie nearly choked on his chocolate.

Sitting up quickly he pounded his chest as the body came into the view. Draped in a midnight blue veil, the jeweled edges shimming in the pale light, the figure was small with a sheath of raven hair. There was no doubt in Jamie’s mind who this could be, and quite frankly he was ready to sit back and enjoy the show.

So he did just that, he settled back against the soft pillows and watched as Rei flitted across the floor, using the veil to hypnotize and entrance. The coins around her ankles chimed in time with the beat of the invisible drum. Willowy arms moved gracefully with the veil, and hips swayed gently.

Then with a spiraling twirl across the floor the dark veil was cast aside, and a gauzy yellow one was its replacement. This continued on, one veil lost to be placed by another, smaller one, more skin shown and the dance slowing turning more and more seductive.

She seemed to inch closer as well, her eyes holding his until he was completely transfixed. He studied her eyes more than her movements, the way she seemed to pin him there. He shifted uncomfortably when she moved closer to him, barely an arms length away as she held up a dark, crimson red veil.

Her arms rose over her head, shielding her face and most of her body with the veil as she spun in place, the beat of the drum getting faster and faster. Then the music stopped and so did she, slowly her arms lowered, but something was wrong this time.

No longer was it shining black hair, but soft blonde waves. The eyes were no longer a hypnotic shade of violet but rather a bright, happy blue like a fine spring day. Jamie nearly yelped as the face shifted from Rei’s to Lenore’s, though the dress was still the same; a slinky, slithering piece of pale fabric that seemed only to accentuate the figure beneath. The gauzy piece silhouetted every gentle curve, and swell and Jamie did not want to see any part of Lenore in that way.

//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\

Bolting up in bed, tangled in sheets, Jamie struggled to free himself of the bedding, arms and legs flailing like a drowning man, he choked on air, sputtering slightly. Finally freed he looked around the room wildly, taking a little comfort when he realized that it was just his bedroom. Not that other one.

“Jesus fucking Christ, brain. Sexy Lenore BAD!” He dug the heels of hands into his eyes, trying to purge the imagine from his mind. Jamie took several deep breaths, then ran his hands down his face, palms scratching against the morning stubble covering his chin. “Sexy Rei good, very good. Why can’t you just stick with the sexy Rei?”

Flopping back against his pillow, Jamie pulled the covers over his head and moaned pathetically. Peeking one out from behind the comforter he focused on the clock by his bed. Three hours before class, he could go back to sleep, he supposed, but that seemed a frightening a prospect. Next he’d find Kristoff and Mamoru in harem pants, and he did not need that!

Jamie continued to lay there helplessly, staring at the ceiling with one eye, when he thought he heard a knocking coming from the living room. Why would there be kno--oh mother fucker! Jamie scrambled out of bed, grabbed the nearest pair of pants and yanked them on. He half walked, half hopped down the short hallway as he tried to zip and button his jeans. Stopping in front of his door he yanked it open and found a nonplussed looking Mamoru.

“Aren’t you ready?” he asked, one eyebrow quirked.

No, he was not ready. Obviously. He’d had a traumatic sleeping experience and had completely forgotten he’d agreed to have breakfast with Mamoru that morning. And of course the punctual bastard was right on time. Fucking hell.

“No, just give me a minute!” Jamie said as he raced back to his bedroom, leaving the door wide open for Mamoru.

Back in his room, Jamie pulled out a pair of clean pants and t-shirt. He dressed in quick time, pulled on socks and sneakers and then moved onto the bathroom. With speed resembling something close to the Flash, he brushed his teeth, ran a comb through his hair but gave up when he realized there was no point in even trying to tame the wavy curls. He thought about trying for a shave but he didn’t want to keep Mamoru waiting too long.

Jamie glanced at his reflection, decided that was as good as it would get, and moved back into the living room. Mamoru had come inside, and sat on the couch, flipping through an art supply magazine. He actually looked like half-way interested.

“Alright, let’s jet.”

“Are you alright?” Mamoru glanced up, eyeing Jamie thoughtfully.

“Yeah, totally fine. Come on, I’m starved.”

“You’re always starving.”

“So? Come on,” Jamie struck a heroic pose and pointed toward the door. “To diner coffee and glory!”

A dark brow rose quizzically. “You’re sure you’re alright?”

“Just…. strange dreams. Put me a little on edge this morning. No big deal, really.”

Mamoru frowned slightly, brows knitting together as he looked up at Jamie. “Sometimes it helps to talk? I can listen if you like… we have time.”

Jamie wasn’t sure if he should say anything or not, but Mamoru was trustworthy and maybe if he didn’t mention names………….

“Well, you see, it’s all the internets fault. And fanfic, I can definitely blame fanfic for this too. But I was just doing my thing and the ideas wouldn’t go away and then I went to bed.” Jamie was pacing at this point, eyes unfocused as his hands motioned wildly in the air. “It was like a fucking harem, man, which was kind of awesome. I mean all the skimpy outfits and shit… and the veil dance. Holy hell, the veil dance. You just have no idea…” he glanced at Mamoru, who looked utterly confused, but didn’t stop to let him speak. “It was all great until she morphed into Lenore.”

“Unity?” Mamoru squawked. Jamie was so caught up in his own mind, he failed to notice the stricken look on his friend’s face.

“Lenore, yeah. She hates ‘Unity’, you know that.” Jamie shook his head.

“Okay, but she was there?”

“Yeah! It was horrible! She’s like a little sister or something, the last thing I need is images of her in some gauzy veil thing that barely covers anything. Jesus, that shit is harsh!” Jamie covered his face and sighed. “God, I will never unsee this. And I thought Zoe being there was weird….”

“But wait, you dreamt about the girls? All of them?”

“Maybe?” Jamie peeked through his fingers. “It doesn’t matter, it was all sexy good times until Lenore showed up. Lenore is …. just, no. Do not want sexy. She can do adorable all she wants, but I will not have any of this sexy business. Thank God it was only a dream.”

“Yeah… good thing,” Mamoru mumbled.

“So that was my trauma, though I will say I do feel a little better talking about it.” Jamie let out a deep breath and nodded toward the door. “Shall we?”

“Uh, yeah. Sure. Let’s go.” Mamoru got up slowly, looking oddly dazed -- not that Jamie was paying attention.

“It’s actually kinda silly, isn’t it?” Jamie said as he grabbed his keys and phone. “Of all the people, it’s Lenore. She’s as sexy as a kitten. Like could you actually imagine her running around in a belly dancer outfit?”

“Uh….”

“It’s just a ridiculous notion. Try and picture it, I dare you.” Jamie snorted and shoved Mamoru out the door. “Come on, it’s food time!”