Advice column meme ganked from Lytton and V

[antivanruffles]

Ask any character I've written for advice, and he or she will provide it, advice columnist style. Fictional characters' problems are welcome too.

(And for real go to their LJ's and read their responses, I am dying!!)

Comments

[verisimilitude9.livejournal.com]

Dear Lachlan,

I have this brother who has super-awesome hair (but not as awesome as yours) who nowadays puts too much gooey shite into his hair for me to ruffle it. What should I do to circumvent this problem?

Will you be my brother instead?

-Oldest Sister of Four

***

Dear Sachairi,

So you must sympathize, right?! I met this girl-- absolutely mind-bogglingly gorgeous!-- dark hair, big blue eyes, doesn't seem to smile much but if she did it'd probably knock a fellow flat on his ass, and I have TRIED MY BEST to get her attention. She does not like endearments, she does not like to tell me stuff about her family and what's more, there is this COMPLETELY ANNOYING FOREIGN EXCHANGE STUDENT LIVING AT HER HOUSE who wants in her pants. What if she picks him instead?? I'm a nice guy, ask anyone! I have a lot of friends who are girls and I swear I'm not a sleaze or anything and I really do want to get to know her and I have never fallen so fast so hard for a girl before she's just really interesting and smart and pretty. How do I get her to not hate me? What should I do?? I have never been one of those crappy-with-the-opposite-sex types!! WHAT DO I DO?? They said you'd be able to relate and stuff. Thanks!

-Lovesick

[satine86.livejournal.com]

Dear, Oldest.

Of course I'll be yer brother, I have plenty of experience. And from what I understand yer an excellent cook!

But now fer problem with yer real brother; I would say ye should switch his gooey shite with Nair, then he'll learn that he should just go natural. It'll take some time before ye can ruffle it again, but it'll be worth it in the end. Also it might make him think twice about being a preening fop like Jackson.

All my best, Lachlan.

[satine86.livejournal.com]

Dear Lovesick,

I know exactly how ye feel!! You meet a beautiful girl on the moors and she's just the most perfect thing but ye can't have her or if ye are lucky enough to get her, she won't have ye. AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON FOREIGN MEN!

The answer is quite clear though, ye must get a large knife and threaten this man. Make sure he knows what's what and send him packing back to his homeland. As fer yer lass, just be patient. I know it's hard, but it's the best thing for lasses like yers.

Trust me it'll be fair worth it in the end, lad.

Best of luck,
Sachairi